Fear

Talking to becky, i'm suddenly filled with thoughts about my life previously and about my suspected mild depression i have. How the times where i thought of commiting suicide (Nope isn't a joke) but didnt dare to because of this word. FEAR. Yes..many times when the thought came up i didnt dare do it..i mean if u stab yourself its not the stabbing thats scary. It's the fear of the pain thats scary. Of course..naturally all thoughts dispelled when FEAR came up. All my life i've been afraid, filled with fear coupled with my introverted nature. It became worse in secondary school. Friends always asked me out but i rather stay at home and be by myself. I was pretty much a loner outside but in class i was much much noiser. Haha..oh well, life in poly has been much better. With so much stuff to do, i didn't have the time to think about other things. However, i'll might be going imh to see a psychatrist soon. I just read newpaper about the symptoms of depression few days ago haha. Seems like i score for depression suspicion. Oops, well if i really go i can confirm if i really have mild depression as all my life i've been using it as an excuse for everything i've done or in fact i'm just LAZY haha..

Oh well, about today yup, had interview for serve trip today la. I think i was total idiot la. Stupid la..i don't know what the heck i talking about and i think i 've said all the wrong things. I suck at these PR things..argh if i don't get in...i'll be disappointed but life still goes on right? Arr...its been a long time since i took a nap..i love napping. It makes me more awake at night. Of course this doesnt exactly help my concentration in studying for my common test. If not i wouldnt be here blogging!!