In remembrance of my dad.

Hey dad...it's been 20 odd years that you have raised me. Yet, i did not cry at the cremation ceremony even though it would be the last time we ever meet. Is that a sign of being a unfilial son or just that i was hoping you are in a better place right now. For i believe in karma, and your presence on earth was garnering lots of bad karma. You cursed and swore at everyone, got angry for no apparent reason and made your family have no sense of security always threatening mom to sell the house and renting a house to stay in which made no sense. Even in hospital, you eavesdropped on other patients and formed your own mental image of them from their conversations, then cursing them to die earlier or that they deserved to die even though you have never interacted with them before. What can i say for your future reincarnated self if you continue to stay on in this world and live life as you did when you were still on this world? However, you were a good person despite your flaws. You weren't a alcoholic or gambler neither did you have affairs outside. You treated your friends well.

Mom was always worried about your health fearing for you all the time but you never took note. Either brushing her off or scolding her instead when she got persistent. In fact, she was worried that she would see your health deteoriate to such a state where you would be bed-ridden with crippled limbs due to your uncontrolled diabetes. Many a times, i saw you drinking sweet drinks like Nescafe coffee or 100 plus but yet you said its only once in a while. You never took care of your health yet you could tell your friends you always ate healthily. A very contradictory statement. One of the many that you would spout of the 20 years of life with you. You always asked us to think about everything we did, but yet when my mom advised you on things, you always said she thought to much and think for what? Now when i think of the things you said, it was funny to see you contradict yourself time and time again.

It's regretful that the 20 over years i've spent with you, there were not many happy memories to remember you by. You were very difficult to get along with especially when you kept things to yourself. Yet, when we asked you, you would scold us instead as you expected us to know your sorrows. Talking to you was like talking to a wall that constantly banged into you. You never managed to move anywhere forward but instead got hurt everytime you tried. Over time, people slowly avoided that wall as it was just impossible to go through it. Maybe you had too strong a sense of pride and that caused you to feel as if you were invincible. With that, you refused to listen to anyone thinking you were always right. Till now, even with all your friends coming to pay their last respects to you, i will never understand the things you did for it made no sense. You had a family that gave you no problems, your sons did not take drugs, commit robbery and what not. Neither did mom go around to waste your money or have an affair etc...you were debt free since the house was fully paid 5-6 years ago. So as to the source of your anger? There was nothing to justify it. I don't have any regrets about the things i've not done for you..because i never could get through to you. Heh..but dad, i hope wherever you are, you really are in a better place. We'll take care of mom when we can. Please protect her wherever you are and give us the ability to take care of her. The most important thing is to make sure the last worry being me, can grow up and stop causing her to stress over my future.

So take care dad, this is the final goodbye. Every year on 22 January we would visit you. Thank you for everything you have done. The good, the bad, it was nevertheless a good 20 years.

In remembrance of you, James Chia Weu Mok
Born 11 August 1949, passed away on 22 January 2010
Age: 60