Ah..booking in today and booking out in 3 days time for new years eve. Then going for gathering. Ha...so many holidays and joyous occasions. In the meantime, i would like to isolate myself from the outside world until my bookout. Training would be tough and i wouldn't mind..at least there's still my new army friends :)

Don't know what came over me...but after posting the previous entry, i just started crying..all the memories...the fact they took a promising guy like him instead of a person like me makes me even more sad that he had done nothing wrong to deserve such a fate.

I am not having low self-esteem but it was a fact that not only could he perform his tasks well during bmt and putting in the effort to learn every command from the bmt handguide when he was IC already showed his dedication to his role. Something which i don't think i'm able to do. People who didn't know him well from other sections thought he was Wayang, but he wasn't. He just takes his responsibility seriously. He moved like lightning when he was platoon IC. Even though we called him Wayang in our bunk for fun as he resumed his sluggish movement in bunk when he stopped being IC, i knew deep in my heart that he knew what to do just that without the responsibility, he just decided to take things at a slower pace.

I don't know if i want to attend his sending off tomorrow, i might break down if i see him being sent off in the hearse.

Also realised that at this point of time, i just can't think of anyone to find comfort in to talk too. Maybe i don't have any close friends..that i can pour my soul out too. Even if i had, i don't think i want to disturb the person. Heh.

SZ is just being emotional, this will not be the first time i know that for sure. Bah, i just hate this god damnned feeling.

Life sure is fragile..you never know what will happen at anytime. Maybe you meet up with your friend and see him today but next week, he's lying in a coffin. That's exactly what happened to my section mate, my bed buddy in bmtc. I'm pretty shocked he's gone, as i was hoping he would have woke up from his coma. Imagine we were chilling out on Saturday and Sunday he was involved in an accident by a bloody fucking drunk driver who banged his bike. He ended up in a coma and when i was able to book out for the christmas holiday, i went to visit him in hospital. It was a saddening sight seeing him hooked up onto life support. Just stationary looking like he's in alot of pain. Told him to fight hard and wake up ASAP so as to ask me to clean my rifle (Ah..it's a long story but he sleep talks that's all you need to know) and telling him to wake up so that we can meet up soon. Little did i know that will be the last time i see for the next thing you know, he was declared brain dead on friday and his family decided to pull the plug for his lifesupport.

Going to his funeral today was emotional as this is the first time i'm attending a friend's funeral. Seeing the family members and his girlfriend makes me feel it's such a pity that a guy who is only in his 20s, makes me wonder what had he done to deserve such a fatal accident. I just hope they are able to take it and move on in time.

Thinking about the memories of him with us in bmt almost brings tears to my eyes. Though it was a short 3 months knowing him, we've went through thick and thin together. It's so sudden that he'll never smile, laugh, talk, move, etc again. I just hope that wherever he is at now, he'll always be at peace.

May your loved ones get through these difficult times. See them through wherever you are. Protect them. If you can read this in heaven, if you ever need help from us to help your loved ones, find us in our dreams. I'm sure each and everyone of our section mates will do whatever we can to help them.

Hong Jun Jie. Ulysses 4309. You will be missed. R.I.P.

To all those who are reading this post, please cherish your loved ones or if you had anything you wanted to say and have been holding back, please please just say it out. The person you see today, might not exist tomorrow. Don't wait till it's too late and then you regret.

Wooo...tmr is the start of my SISPEC training...why is it at boonlay..damn far away la! Anyway, let's see which wing i get posted too and who'll be my new buddy. Quite excited to know all these stuff.

Ah..i'll miss my bmt mates and my civilian life heh..and i'll miss msning..oh wellz! Wednesday booking out yeah! Back to armyz

So..i finally got my posting and am now a SGT trainee. Okay it's not that great and there's not much pride as compared to OCS but still i don't mind.

Alot has been going through my mind recently...whether i'm serious about joining the police force as a job after i graduate from uni...things my mom said, whether i want to adopt a dog can i be responsible towards it etc...still i have not let them affect my training schedule heh. Running, swimming..all in preparation for the upcoming SOC in SISPEC. My fitness is definitely not there..i need to work harder..maybe one day i can pass the SOC in SISPEC. Here's hoping...

Thoughts and more thoughts

Motivation to succeed. What causes a person to think about his future and how determined he is to make it succeed. I just can't fathom how people actually do that or how successful people do that. Were they made to think like winners? I bet they were, or they met with some hardship which they never would want to experience in their life.

I wouldn't call myself a winner cause i don't think i am and neither would i call myself a loser, since i'm surely not one. I'm just stranded in the middle nothing outstanding or notorious. Just a plain Joe who doesn't feel the need to have success or allow himself to be useless. Such is my life as i think about it now. Is there anything that will tilt the balance and push me to either side? At least, i won't be so confused with myself.

Thoughts.