Don't know what came over me...but after posting the previous entry, i just started crying..all the memories...the fact they took a promising guy like him instead of a person like me makes me even more sad that he had done nothing wrong to deserve such a fate.

I am not having low self-esteem but it was a fact that not only could he perform his tasks well during bmt and putting in the effort to learn every command from the bmt handguide when he was IC already showed his dedication to his role. Something which i don't think i'm able to do. People who didn't know him well from other sections thought he was Wayang, but he wasn't. He just takes his responsibility seriously. He moved like lightning when he was platoon IC. Even though we called him Wayang in our bunk for fun as he resumed his sluggish movement in bunk when he stopped being IC, i knew deep in my heart that he knew what to do just that without the responsibility, he just decided to take things at a slower pace.

I don't know if i want to attend his sending off tomorrow, i might break down if i see him being sent off in the hearse.

Also realised that at this point of time, i just can't think of anyone to find comfort in to talk too. Maybe i don't have any close friends..that i can pour my soul out too. Even if i had, i don't think i want to disturb the person. Heh.

SZ is just being emotional, this will not be the first time i know that for sure. Bah, i just hate this god damnned feeling.